


in between, there's you and me

by woahpip



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Everyone lives/Nobody dies, F/M, Hopeful Ending, Miscommunication, Slice of Life, Tumblr Prompt, dealing with permanent injury, nightshift, or no communication at ALL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22698562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woahpip/pseuds/woahpip
Summary: He used to not be this way. He used to be brave.*Things get harder for Cassian before they get better. The galaxy keeps moving on, but can he?(companion piece to "these days and nights are killing me")
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso
Comments: 10
Kudos: 49





	in between, there's you and me

**Author's Note:**

> prompted on tumblr: Cassian is too badly injured to be out in the field after Scarif and is sentenced to a desk job. He doesn’t take it well and pulls away from the rest of R1 For rebelcaptain

The noises of Hoth base at night:

Ships rattle in the hangar, mechanics readying rides for the next day’s missions. The shoot the shit with each other; tonight they talk about past loves, crushes from when they were babes. Some are young enough to have been children in the Alliance, like Cassian. How they can talk about those memories without seizing up and falling into silence, he wants to know. He could use that power.

He passes the hangar and heads towards the dining hall. It’s meal time for night watch. One team has already eaten, headed out into the cold to switch shifts. The team currently eating is quiet, about 10 of them silently bent over protein squares, hands clutching cermaic cups full of caf. It must be extra cold this evening, Cassian notes. They’re usually slightly more jovial.

Familiar sounds greet him as he returns to his actual nightly haunt: the hallway to the communications room. Chatting, as always. Jyn tells him communications involves constant discussion. Is this the correct cypher to use? How is this message scrambled? Should we give weight to this coded receipt over another? She said it’s the most she’s talked in a work environment ever.

He’s jealous. He wishes he had work to do. Helpful work, saving the galaxy work.

Draven has kept him training new intelligence recruits but it feels helpless. Of course Cassian knew many recruits don’t make it past the first wave of training, he was one of the few who had.

It’s painful seeing so many people fail. Wherever they go next, they’ll remember they failed at the first job they wanted. Cassian has to usher them on and welcome in the next beginners, start the cycle over again.

Jyn’s on rotation now for the comm department, so three weeks on days, three weeks on nights. It’s hell on her sleep and he’s wondered many times why they don’t have the rotations be a little longer, but higher ups aren’t interested in the comfort of their soldiers over their own selfish wants.

Lately even when she sleeps at night, it’s been in her own room. Cassian has shoved their relationship backwards, refusing to deal with what he started, what he put names too.

He called his room theirs. And it was; it should be.

One night though, she was too upbeat, too talky about her job and responsibilities. He spiralled; he slept in a hallway and told her maybe we should sleep separately for a while.

It only hit him a day later that he was a dumbass. Bodhi said it sounded like he was breaking up with her. Chirrut spoke like he knew nothing but constantly tried to pull Cassian into meditation. Baze just looked at him and said it would pass.

It’s been a week since he’s spoken to any of them, too ashamed. He’d avoided meal time, eating his emergency bars instead, swiping burnt caf after dark when he knows everyone else is asleep.

This is Jyn’s last night shift before her rotation swapped over. He knew she hated sleeping in her bunk during the day— the light was too bright, her roommates in and out at different times. She must be very tired. His room— their room — was much better for sleeping.

He guessed that’s why he kept walking here, to apologize. To ask her back. He always shuffled back to his room before her break time. He used to not be this way. He used to be brave. So many things had changed but he didn’t see why this had to be one of them.

Cassian stood right next to the main door as he heard it scrape against the jam. There was no time to run. His body wouldn’t let him anyway. All he could do was stand face to face as Jyn Erso exited the comm department, dark circles swiped under her eyes.

“Cassian?” She asked, surprised. It hurt his chest. “What are you doing down here.”

“I was walking. Couldn’t sleep, again.” He remembered the last time they had this conversation. He couldn’t sleep because she wasn’t beside him. And that’s still the truth but she won’t believe him this time.

“Yeah,” she replied, short and staccato. 

He fucked it up. He knew her issues, with abandonment. He told her he’d be there all the way, and he hasn’t been.

“I’m sorry. About pushing you away. The others. I just feel like things are changing around me, inside of me. My physical body just isn’t what it used to be. My life can’t go on how it always has….it’s like I lost something. I lost my life. And I gained you right in the middle but I’m sorry it’s not enough to keep me sane..”

Her hands are on his shoulders now, grip just shy of rough. Like she wants to squeeze some sense into him. “You need to grieve the losses,” she whispers as she moves her hands around his waist, tucks her head below his chin.

“I’m staying Cassian. Which means you need to take better care of yourself. So you can stay too.”

So he could stay too. Yeah. He’s not going anywhere.

“I’m afraid I have nothing else to offer the Rebellion.”

She scoffed. He felt the vibrations on his throat and shivered.

“Why did Draven stop field work? There had to be a reason he was pulled out of the field. Ask him. There has to be a place for you here, on base, helping. It may not be what it was before but I will help you see its importance.

I can’t stop you from hating yourself but I want to try. I want us, to still try, together.”

Cassian felt close to tears; felt a heaviness in his belly. Maybe shame, for making her a part of his home and then kicking her out.

“I will do better to communicate what I need,” he promised.

“I will do better to make sure you know you’re not alone,” she countered. “Like you have done for me.”

They swayed in the hall then, silently. Let their words become part of the force. Promises meant to be kept.

**Author's Note:**

> again, let me know how you feel about the characterization (i'm always feeling iffy, not sure if it's just me or rightly felt!)
> 
> thank you for reading!
> 
> title is again from Alone by Trampled by Turtles


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